I'm lost and stupid without you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
