so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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