I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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