I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
