Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
