Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize