I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
