Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
