Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
