theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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