Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
