I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize