Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
