It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
