She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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