I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
how does that bad decision feel?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
