when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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