Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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