She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize