South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
