I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
