thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
