if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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