remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
