If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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