i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize