weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize