apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
