don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
