I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
