at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
