and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We need a shit load of segways right now
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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