There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
