Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
