The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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