if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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