you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
