Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
