Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
