I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
