i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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