hotel room ftw
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize