I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
