Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
