For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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