Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
