You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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