either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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