Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
