So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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