He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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