He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
