Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
