Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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