My boss' voice literally gives me gas
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
