Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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