Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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