i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
