Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize