i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize