my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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