The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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