So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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