I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
