Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Welp...herpes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
