Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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