drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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