I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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