Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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