I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
